Topics: No Matter What, You Never Consented

No Matter What, You Never Consented  

Therapists who abuse do so by leveraging their full knowledge of a human being's deepest vulnerabilities in order to exploit them. That is what happens to us.

This is not about our consent. Consent must be conscious and informed, free-without pressure, threats, or deception—and occur within a relationship free of power or authority imbalances. The "consent" we think we gave was not true consent; rather, it was a response of appeasement (fawning).

When faced with a threat, the brain seeks the best available response for survival:
Some may fight to survive.
Some may flee to survive.
Some may say no to survive.
Some may freeze to survive.

And some others may need to say yes, or to appease in order to survive.
Do you tend to agree with others, please people or struggle to say no?
Do you tend to ignore your own needs or opinions to avoid conflict?
Do you tend to take blame for things that are not your fault?
If so, that is what happened to you.

It is likely that the "yes" you gave wasn't enthusiastic or convincing. It happened to me, and happens to many victims, and likely happened to you too: the grooming process carried out by abusive therapists is like the metaphor of the frog placed in a pot of lukewarm water that is gradually brought to a boil; it dies without perceiving the change in temperature.

The road to recovery from this experience is long and difficult, but it is possible and probable. During the recovery process you will find new meaning in what happened to you, and that will help you discover many areas of potential you hadn't noticed before. Keep exploring possibilities, perhaps with a new therapist, and if you need us, we are here for you.

Patricia García-Fernández, Ph.D.

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