Topics: What made a predator chose me?

What made a predator chose me?

Have you ever wondered whether something in your background or something you have done has made you a "target" for predators? Such feelings are common, especially among victims of therapy abuse. It is important to realize that this kind of belief-without your being aware of it-actually lets your abuser off the hook. It is a way for you to blame yourself for the trauma you have experienced when it is the abuser-and only the abuser-who is fully, 100%, responsible.

If you really look at it, we are ALL targets simply by being human. I don't know a single person who has managed to live to adulthood who hasn't had something done to them that has caused some level of trauma. The objective "severity" of the trauma doesn't matter: If it was hurtful, it was hurtful. Period. There is no comparing what kind of trauma is "worse" and therefore "deserving" of a person feeling traumatized. Again, if it hurts, it hurts. That is enough.

ALL normal, non-psychopathic people want to be valued, appreciated, and "seen" for who they really are. We all want to feel like we matter. These completely normal needs and desires make all of us potential targets for predators regardless of our histories. The major difference between abusive and predatory therapists (who are often on the psychopath spectrum) and ethical people is that abusive therapists make choice after choice to deliberately harm and exploit their victims solely for their own gain and gratification.

The vast majority of us know what might hurt others. Even from a young age, most of us know instinctively the difference between what is right and what is wrong, what is being kind and what is being cruel. With some people, you can see right away what their Achilles' heel might be. With some others, it can take a while to recognize their vulnerabilities. With even your closest friends, family members, children, associates of all kinds, you know what would really harm them if you wanted to do so. You know what you could do to make them feel small.

Most people choose never to cross the lines into harming others. Even if , in error, we do harm someone, we feel genuine remorse and try to make amends. We do this not because someone demands we do so under threat but because we WANT to make amends to ease our conscience and to be the kind of person we want to be in this world. We know we wouldn't want someone else to treat us or anyone we loved in a hurtful way.

The abusive therapist, however, does choose to cross those lines, to be cruel, to harm, to exploit, without remorse, and to gaslight others into thinking they "didn't mean it that way," they "were "trying to help you," "were going above and beyond for you" and so on. This is gaslighting. Without genuine apology, without taking responsibility, they blame the victim ("you made me do it," "I had no choice," "I've never done this with anyone else," blah blah blah) again and again to explain away their own reprehensible behavior.

So no, nothing about you and your history has made you any more of a target than anyone else. An ethical therapist with the most minimal skills would know not to cross those lines especially because of what they know about you, the training they have received, the ethics and standards they have vowed to uphold, and the fiduciary, ethical, and legal duties they have in their positions of power over you

Abusive therapists use their stories, emotions, and promises to elicit responses from you, to get you to do something you would not otherwise do if they asked you directly, and to make you think it was your idea, that you gave your consent, that it was your choice and your problem. But it is all manipulation, from day one, just couched in pretty language and distracting and manipulative grooming tactics.

Becoming the target of an unethical therapist is not your fault-not one single bit of it no matter what you may have ever done nor what has ever been done to you. So please, stop blaming yourself in this way. I know you didn't realize it-we all blame ourselves at first-but this self-blame has got to stop.

Amy Avalon

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